Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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