Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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