I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
