Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
