I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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