She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
