If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
