And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
