Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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