3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
