She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
