he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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