Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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