Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
