You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
