Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
