ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
