I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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