Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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