There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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