For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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