Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
