Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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