so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
