It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
