I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
