no you cant smoke seaweed
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
