Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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