I hate all girls vehemently.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
my poor anus
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
