UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
