I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
