We left an ass print on the piano.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
