And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Someone signed my nipple.
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