they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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