the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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