He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
