I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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