For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
