drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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