But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Randomize
