He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
