In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
