Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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