I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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