1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
