So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
