Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
