i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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