This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
