I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
